Insomia...

Here I am again - seems like I can no longer fall asleep before 5am anymore. Someone said it's coz I think too much and I am being too emo, but I just blame it on the lack of AC and the caffeine in all the drinks that were accessible to me during the day. Caffeine is in everything! Did you know that even decaf stuff still has caffeine in it?? and even that minimal amount affects me! GAH!!! 

I have been sitting on my bed job-searching starting from 1am. The thousands of postings on Craig's List do not have what I want to do but looking through it was really entertaining. There's a UVA faculty staff paying $8.50/hr for someone to look for an apartment for him. I would definitely take it if I had a car. 

Just because I did not want to feel like I have wasted all these time looking at job descriptions on websites, I just enlarged my search to tech supports in the hospital/clinics and applied for two of those in UVA.  Oh well, it was in one of the 3 things that this psyc prof. in HKU suggested me to do: 1. psyc research 2. any clinical experience 3. Non-profit and I guess that fits into number 2. 

The stupid mail program on my mac started downloading all my previous emails from my gmail account, which i started using the summer before i came to UVA. I had a lot of fun looking through those emails though, esp. the personal emails I used to send to my friends back in HK. They were once such an important part of my life. I was reading an email that I sent to my guitar teacher and that reminds me of how close I used to be with him and my other guitar friends - how we spent every saturday together, shopping in TST after guitar class, going on that tv show together... but I hardly talk to them anymore. And then I saw these email conversations I had with people I used to be close with during my first year - I haven't talked to some of them for three years.  I'm thinking, what if this happens again? What if three years later, I look back and think about all these people that I think I am so close to, only to find out that our relationship was a history?  Will I still care about these people once I'm back in Hong Kong?

Generally, when I leave one place to stay in the other (e.g. coming to school at the States, or going back to HK for breaks), I find myself not paying too much attention to people on the other side of the globe. Evidence: I call home 2 to 3 times a semester, I forget about replying emails from my cell group members when I'm at UVA, I don't like gchatting when I'm in hkg. I think this is a defense mechanism. It might be different when I know that I am leaving this place for good? I'm not too sure. I have been spending a lot of time thinking what would happen if I really have to go when October comes and I can't get a job I want. How am I gonna say goodbye to all these people here? They have been my second greatest source of joy, some of them, for the past four years. Well, actually, because I am such a sinner and my heart doesn't work the way it should be, some of the time people are THE greatest joy in my life. So,  I guess this is the perfect time for me to be reading Revelation, so that I can see its not about RIGHT NOW. I think I'll be okay. 

On another note, I was reading one of those old Calvary when Jonathan Chiu was the secretary. Ha, the days when I still read the entire calvary. I laughed when I saw this:    Sep 30    GCF GoodCleanFun Night . I guess I laughed because when you've been around this long, you would know immediately who came with that name. hahaha. 

It's 5:38am. I envy those who can wake up this early. 

Oh! I biked today. On the roads I mean. It was very scary and very tiring. 

Why am I not sleepy at all? I feel like I could go running. bleh.