music.

Music means a lot to me. When I think about my future wedding, one thing that I get excited about is the idea of singing a duet with my future husband in front of all the guests. If you ask me to define music, I would say that music is a gift from God to convey ideas and emotions that words cannot express.When I learned singing from Andrew Cheung in Hong Kong, he said that more than vocal technicalities, the most important thing that he wanted me to learn is to express emotions through the song that I am singing. I believe that songs are more than melodies, lyrics and notes. A song is meant to convey all the emotions given by the writer’s intention, the performer’s interpretation and the connection between the performer and the audience.

When I first started to play the keyboard in a worship setting, I went through a time when I was utterly frustrated by my lack of skills. Eventually I realized that it was because I was focusing on what I am doing and not focusing on God. I remember praying in repentance that I would not use music ever again for my own gain. I prayed that every single note I sing, every single note I play on any instrument would be dedicated to glorify God and would not be used to raise attention to myself. Of course, after that prayer I still continue to mess up and there are countless times when I did not make music for the right reason, even when I am in a worship setting.

However, what this commitment translated to me in my daily life is that I think that I shouldn’t sing words that I do not mean. When I randomly burst out in songs, even if it’s just a regular love song, I am probably thinking along the lines of those lyrics. (Think: And I am Telling You I’m Not Leaving in the context of last semester) I don’t want to sing the bridge of Marvelous Light unless I am really going to “lift my hands and turn around”. When I use music selfishly just to satisfy my own emotions and desires, I feel guilty because my music is only used to glorify God, and my emotions are being poured out for either someone else or myself, not God.

Music conveys emotions. Isn’t that why music is the most popular way to corporately worship God? When we come together to sing a song of praise, us, as performers, were all directed to express our emotions in unity, to our one and only audience –God. If someone were in this setting but not meaning the words they sing, I don’t think there is any value in them singing that song. In Isaiah 29:13,
“The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.”
How much of our worship is made up only of rules taught by men?

It is easy for us to be skeptical of what we do because we have intentionally or unconsciously followed the footsteps of those before us. However, the main point of this passage is not whether we were following rules or not but where our hearts really are. If we truly mean to do what we are doing to worship God, I don’t think he would mind whether I am singing an original song I wrote or singing a song that I heard from some older person.

The guy who taught me how to play keyboard in a worship setting started of by telling me to learn how to pray through the keyboard. He told me to practice keeping my mouth shut but to let my prayers flow through the music instead. For me, during the typical post-sermon prayer times when I am supposed to play the keyboard in the “prayer mode”, it is a chance for me to offer my prayers for the body through the music that I am playing. It is so much more that “setting the mood” and “covering other people’s voices so you can concentrate on your own prayer”. This is an attitude that I have learned from the older and wiser, and I have witnessed God using the keyboardist’s music as the Holy Spirit ushers in, to bring in peace and to facilitate prayers.

However, I also believe with all my heart that some times silence is more powerful than any music anyone has to offer. There is a time for everything, and everything is permissible, but God looks at our heart through everything that we do. Questioning what we do is a good thing, but if that brings up bitterness and distract you from praying to God, I think that we can identify that as a little trick that the devil is using.

Next time we sing Marvelous Light, would anyone lift their hands and turn around with me? =)

God is goood =)

It's 12am and I need to sleep, but I really want to blog. 

This is how I think: 

1. I didn't really want to go through all the hassle travelling to Urbana. It was in St. Louis not Urbana anyways. 

2. I want to sleep in and not go to work when I feel like it. I like not having to go to work on Fridays. 

3. I want to go to all these conferences/retreats. and spend a lot of money. 

4. I want to go to Boston with my friends. and spend money. 

5. I want to go to go on a ski trip with my friends. and spend more money. 

But God thinks the opposite. I'm so glad and oh-so-thankful that he always wins. =) 

Interview with Patrick Fung from Urbana 09 on Vimeo.