pedicure...

So the "blogging every day till I leave" thing is not working out.. 

but I went to get a pedicure with jane and julene today for the first time and it was so much fun! I love how my feet looks now =D so pretty... The lady who did it for me is an old vietnamese grandma and I really like her.  And i was thinking I should be a masseuse - what other job would give me $80/hour?

My toe nails are now dark purple, by the way. 

Oh so hopefully I'll be going up to the mountains on Thursday/Friday. 

patience, little sista...

I'm trying to blog every day until I leave... we'll see how that goes.

I've realized that whether I get to stay is not just a visa issue - there are things that I can do to keep staying here, but it broils down to the fact that my family/parents can't see my visions and can't agree with me in terms of where God is leading me to do. That is, if God is calling me to stay. Right now I "feel" like He is, but the problem is that I'm not completely sure. Not even 50% sure. If I am sure, I can tell them I'm going to stay and if God doesn't stop me they're not going to. But I don't have 100% confidence to say that God wants me to stay. Every fleshly part of me is dying to stay here, but I am afraid that my own desire is masking me from hearing God's voice. I need to know for sure that this is what He wants.

Although I've been trying to know what He wants for me this year for, wow, over a year now, I still have no clue what he wants. Sometimes I doubt if it is because I am not praying right, or I'm not fasting right, or maybe I am just too much of a sinner to hear his voice. But then I realized if He wants to tell me something he'd let me know regardless of what I do or what I fail to do. God is bigger than any wrong thing I can do.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them." - Isaiah 42:16


... and I really like this song we did on Sunday

"We're living in uncertain times,
more and more I've found that I'm aware of how fragile life can be
I want to tell the World I've found a love that turned my life around
they need to know, so they can taste and see

now everyday I'm praying, just to give my heart away
I want to live for Jesus so that someone else might see that he is everything,
he's more than a story,
more than words on a page of history
He's the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for,
the ground beneath my feet,
Oh He's everything... "

36 days...

The past few weeks have been hard for me, personally. Job-searching-wise, doors have been shutting in my face, personal relationships haven't been going the ways I wanted, and I've been facing tremendous pressure from the family to go home. Sometimes I think it would be much easier just to pack up and leave, but I believe this is not why God has been keeping me here. No matter where I will be for the rest of the year, this remaining 1.5 month would be dedicated for His work here in Charlottesville.
I've been thinking, what can I do, if there is only 36 days left for me in this community, to make the most out of what I have here? What can I do to pour out my all that I have received freely from God himself through this community, to give back to those whom I dearly love here in Charlottesville/VA? I have been locking myself in my prayer closet (aka my room) praying and seeking and trying to figure out what God wants me to do, but I guess with 36 days left, I should start making good use of my geographic location here and do more of those things that I cannot do when I leave this place. And I have came to the conclusion that what I really want to do is to meet up with my sisters (and maybe brothers too), to just talk, and tell them what God has done in my life, and to pray with them.
But of course, I don't want to leave. I want to do college ministry. I don't want to leave my Bible Study group after leading them for just 5 weeks. I want to go to Servants Retreat and Urbana. I want to stay and see what miracles God will be doing in GCF this year. But if God has something else in mind, I am sure it will be the best for me. But for now, all that is asked of me is to love God and persevere. So I'll try to do so, with all these kept in mind:

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." - Colossians 3:1-3

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." - Philippians 4:8-9

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." - John 15:16

"Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalms 37:4

" "I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness;
I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles,

to open eyes that are blind,
to free captives from prison
and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

"I am the LORD; that is my name!
I will not give my glory to another " - Isaiah 42: 6-8