I'm trying to blog every day until I leave... we'll see how that goes.
I've realized that whether I get to stay is not just a visa issue - there are things that I can do to keep staying here, but it broils down to the fact that my family/parents can't see my visions and can't agree with me in terms of where God is leading me to do. That is, if God is calling me to stay. Right now I "feel" like He is, but the problem is that I'm not completely sure. Not even 50% sure. If I am sure, I can tell them I'm going to stay and if God doesn't stop me they're not going to. But I don't have 100% confidence to say that God wants me to stay. Every fleshly part of me is dying to stay here, but I am afraid that my own desire is masking me from hearing God's voice. I need to know for sure that this is what He wants.
Although I've been trying to know what He wants for me this year for, wow, over a year now, I still have no clue what he wants. Sometimes I doubt if it is because I am not praying right, or I'm not fasting right, or maybe I am just too much of a sinner to hear his voice. But then I realized if He wants to tell me something he'd let me know regardless of what I do or what I fail to do. God is bigger than any wrong thing I can do.
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them." - Isaiah 42:16
... and I really like this song we did on Sunday
"We're living in uncertain times,
more and more I've found that I'm aware of how fragile life can be
I want to tell the World I've found a love that turned my life around
they need to know, so they can taste and see
now everyday I'm praying, just to give my heart away
I want to live for Jesus so that someone else might see that he is everything,
he's more than a story,
more than words on a page of history
He's the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for,
the ground beneath my feet,
Oh He's everything... "
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