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And I am telling you...

(Start from 3:33)

The song/movie i've been obsessed with for the past few weeks... 

And I am telling you, I'm not going

You're the best man I'll ever know

There's no way I'll ever go 

No, no, no, no way

No, no, no, no way I'm leaving without you 

I'm not living without you 

I don't want to be free

I'm staying, I'm staying,

and you, and you, and you, 

you're gonna love me 

... and then she leaves... 

I guess having no contextual /environmental cues helps with forgetting painful memories.

The Harvest.

Intense.  I shall expand on this. but I am toooo tiredddddd right now. 

Oh great and mighty one  
with one desire we come  
that You would reign that You would reign in us  
we're offering up our lives,  a living sacrifice  
that You would reign that You would reign in us

I will live to love You 
I will live to bring You praise 
I will live a child in awe of You

Another sleepless night spent thinking...

I can't sleep and sleeping pills(diphenhydramine HCI) don't work.  For more than 4 days in the past week I haven't been able to fall asleep before 8am. I have a theory that this has been the longest time I have spent in the States without going to Hong Kong, thus my body trying to adjust itself back to HK schedule. (Yeah, I know that's not it) But seriously, in the past 4 years, my sleeping schedule flip by a 12-hours difference every 4-6 months. My body has gotten so used to it that I don't even jet-lag when I go from a place to the other. I only fall asleep better upon the switch. Somehow I am tempted to go back just so that I can reset my sleeping schedule. Just kidding. It'll mean much more than a sleeping schedule switched when I go back. 

I have a lot of thoughts about the movie Julie and Julia. I have to say that I am not a big fan of the movie (sorry Trish!). Maybe its because I did not grow up watching Julia Child's shows - it has been Yan and Jamie Oliver for me. Maybe I am overly skeptical because I do not believe that merely following 400-some recipes one time each would make a good chef. Maybe I am just not a fan of movies without a climax in general. The movie for me was like a blend Boeuf Bourgignon - colourful but not well-seasoned. 

My reaction to the movie makes me wonder if I am too skeptical when it comes to food. I remember people asking me what my favourite restaurant in C'ville is, and my answer was "eh..... I haven't found one yet..." I can tell you what my favorite sandwich place is, but for the restaurant level that I expect, I haven't had the money to find out what my favorite one is. This reminds me of my grandpa and how we used to eat out with him once a week, and he would never be satisfied with the meal. We would try different places, and he would make us go to places that he heard was good, but I have never seen him walk out of a restaurant without giving at least one criticism.  I used to be annoyed by the complaining and saw it as a sign of ungratefulness, but now I finally understand how he felt. Not that we're not happy with the meal, we're just... not easily impressed, when it comes to food. 

The movie also made me think about life.  Looks like it portraits a life that our culture glorifies: a way of living that is not necessarily comfortable and wealthy, but with some goals, whatever it is, that might somehow potentially bring fame and fortune, and in the process of trying to achieve the goals, although all might fail it is okay as long as you have  someone to love and make love with.  And as the goals are reached and fame and fortune follows, voila, your life is lived to the fullest. I don't know about that, man. I feel like it's just one of those lies that have been so widely accepted in the world.

I don't know just yet what my goals are in the earthly sense, and it brings me despair when I see all the talented jobless people around me struggling financially.  Although I always say that money does not matter to me, I am in no place to say that - I spend so much of those stuff myself.  Money does rule over us as long as we are following the rules here on earth. Maybe that's why Jesus said rich people going to heaven is pretty much physically impossible (the camel needle-eye thing). Not unless with God. 

So yeah, these are some inconclusive fragments of thoughts of mine at 6am. If you read the whole thing I'm sorry you had to read it. Unless you have nothing else better to do during the day, like me. The sun is out so I think I might have a chance to fall asleep now. Bye-bye. 

P.S. the Caution part on the sleeping pills said to consult a doctor if insomnia continues for more than two weeks, because it might be a sign of "underlying serious medical illness". It kinda freaked me out for a little but, but i guess it doesn't count, because I do get sleep, just not at the right time. Maybe I should try taking melatonin. Or maybe I should consult my dad. 

Oh the forgetfulness of men.. and by men i mean all human beings

Had a real long conversation with God tonight, and was totally pwned by how forgetful I am.  I remember random things in great details such as likes and dislikes of my friends (food-wise), but I have been forgetting the reason why I am here, the reason why He kept me alive for the past 22 years. Its amazing how a minor problem can blow itself up right in front of you and become the only thing you see for a long long time, until God pops it. The popping itself is scary and painful. But necessary. 

Harvest Retreat is the deadline I set for myself to get answers and make decisions, and it is coming in a week. Please pray about that. 

I have decided to stay away from gchat for the time being, so please email/call/text, even mail. It's always delightful when I get those encouragements in a less instant way.