Toying with my own emotions

Allow me to be emo for the day.

I believe I have full control over my emotions and in times like these when I am indulging in negativity, I am just too lazy to kick these thoughts out of my head. Listening to "Tell me the meaning of being lonely" and other emo songs alike and watching Moulin Rouge were bad ideas. Listening to The Only Exception on repeat was a bad idea too as all I could focus on was the line "And that was the day when I promised I'd never sing of love if it doesn't exist."

Honestly, I have been doing not-so-hot spiritually ever since the end of the fast. These two weeks have been miserable, almost as if I forgot that God exists. I was just fighting on my own for the "stuff" that I want, As things in the present life collide with some bad memories from the past, I see the pattern of my biggest downfall setting into motions again. I can see where this would go, and the ending would likely be disastrous. "Not the sixth time!" I said to myself. Alas, controlling emotions is a lot harder said than done. Something's gotta change.


Slamming on the break produces a huge adrenaline rush.

I love adrenaline rushes.

Do you know what I'm talking about? 'Cause I might not.


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I'll end with a funny story.
My dear friend was trying to console me after a pitiful episode of self-doubt and insecurity.

She said: lol perhaps
if it makes you feel better, google hot guys with ugly girls
and see what you find

I laughed out loud for 2 straight minutes.
The end.